Huzzah, we have internets again! No more beating my head against the wall trying to get the mysterious and unsecured linksys in the neighborhood to let me load just ONE MORE PAGE (and toward the end, any page at all). I'm back, I'm catching up, and soon all will be right with the world again.

In the meantime, my family has suddenly come to visit for a few days. So, my catching up will be slower than it normally would. On the plus side though, there are more people to play with (that is, wear out) the Podling while I get housework done.

People, I'm on a freaking roll. I've been doing the vegan thing for...three weeks now? And not as strictly as Nyte has, either, but my energy is something approaching normal. And by "normal" I mean "what other people seem to have." The key for me, it seems, is to go low-fat, low glycemic-impact, and go very easy on the processed soy products. I had some "Vegan General Tso's" from Whole Foods about a week ago, and while it was tasty and would work in a pinch, the next day I was sluggish and cranky and so unwilling to get off the couch that I figured I was about to hit day one of the old Cycle, but after a day or two of flushing out my system, I was back up on my feet. I figured, though. Nyte's mom is big on the MacDougall (McDougle? McDoogal?) take on veganism, which is to not try to replace meat with soy products, but to get yourself out of the habit of making meals center around a meat and then a few starchy sides.

So, more experimentation is needed, but I have to admit, albeit grudgingly, that I feel better.

Happy Birthday, antheia!! Hope it is lovely and full of coffee and hockey and confetti and cakes.

Oh yes! Daily update time!

So far we have two votes for At The Mountains Of Madness by Lovecraft, and zero votes for anything else.

Take a look at the original poll here, and cast your vote! Only a few days left...

Went to Red, White and Boom last night, sort of. We didn't go downtown into the madness, but joined some friends at the top of the visitors' parking garage at OSU Medical Center...and also a whole lot of other people. The Podling did his "I am made of cute, give me things" routine, and almost scored some sparklers and lollipops from strangers. And that was just while I was following him around on the monkey backpack leash; I don't know if I want to know what he got when Nyte had the other end of the leash.

There was music, and the Podling danced and danced and danced. He loves to dance, and he loves music. (Easy to see, since both Nyte and I are musically-inclined.) He attracts a lot of attention, being a generally cute kid and relatively well-behaved, so it's never dull. He's big for his age, so people think he can talk and handle more than he really can (such as gum, candies, open flame, etc.), and of course he's game for it.

We went to meet some people one evening in the Arena district, and since Nyte works in that area of downtown, we just parked in his normal work lot and walked a couple of blocks to BD's Mongolian BBQ. We use the monkey-leash more than the stroller anymore, since the Podling would rather walk (and is now capable of doing so reliably). It's just something I picked up at Target; a backpack-style harness with a stuffed monkey head and body, the arms and legs as the harness, and the tail as the leash. It's adorable, it works well, and he's learning to tolerate it, more or less (less when he really, really, REALLY wants to run into the street and we won't let him). Anyway, we were walking back to the car from dinner, and on the way we walk through some brick-lined pedestrian-only streets, past several restaurants/pubs with patio seating, and most of them have music playing out there. The Podling kept stopping to dance, which was adorable and really tickled the people around us. Two gents in business attire talking about business-y things were walking behind us as we approached a set of stairs, and they had ample room to go around us if they wanted, but they hung back and laughed and watched him take a few steps, then stop to do his little Peanuts dance. I'll admit it, he was adorable. And when he's in the checkered button-up with the navy sweater-vest over it with his good navy shorts, I do go a little wibbly around the edges and tell Nyte we need new babies, stat. it's not something I can control; he's too damned cute, and I kind of lose my mind.

ANYWAY. So the plan tonight is to hang out with people around 7 at the Park of Roses/Whetstone Park for more fireworks, but it's a 75% chance of rain, so...we don't know what will happen. At any rate, we'll hang out with friends and hope for the best.

Currently I am listening to Nyte read a book about getting us healthy and fixing all our medical and mental and emotional problems with diet and exercise. I am naturally both skeptical and resentful, and the little girl inside of me that loves sweeties is screaming at the top of her lungs in horror at the prospect.

The Podling is dancing around the living room in a green tee-shirt and diaper with a mostly-eaten cob of corn in his hand. Occasionally he pauses mid-boogie to take a huge, aggressive bite of corn, says "mmMMMm!" and continues with the shaking of his Groove Thing. It is almost too much to bear.

Hm. Apparently we will be hanging out with people SOON...and I had better go wash up. I'm hoping there will shortly be tasty things to eat, but I suspect I will be glowered into not eating them if they contain meat or much sugar. Sadface.

So far, we have one vote for the "At The Mountains Of Madness and Other Tales of Terror" by H.P. Lovecraft.

What I am beginning to worry about is the potential copyright issue. Even though the authors may be deceased, several of them probably still have active rights. In the case of Lovecraft, there are a lot of questions about whether not his works are now in the public domain. There were copyright problems after his death, and while there may have been temporary resolutions, no one is sure whether or not the copyrights were renewed before the cutoff date. If they weren't, then most (if not all) of his work is public domain already. As far as I can tell, Shakespeare should be in the public domain as well, but I have doubts about A Clockwork Orange, seeing as it was published in 1962, and it definitely has not been 70 years since its publication.

I'll do some more research and see what I can find out. Hey, at least I'm learning something about copyright law!

Update:

Ok, a couple hours of internet searching has revealed that I'll have to take two options off the list. It seems that A Clockwork Orange and all but one or two of C.S. Lewis' works are still under copyright. However, there are still quite a few options available. We can add in more Shakespeare if you like, or other classics. Just make sure they're not long stories, you know?

Trust me. It'll be a spot of culture in your otherwise normal day.

(Original poll is here.)

Here's the short of it (as opposed to the long and short of it): this Twilight book is really getting to me. It makes me sad and punchy, and I'm losing my focus on things literary and beautiful. To help me regain this, and also to get me back into the habit of posting daily (I really enjoyed the quotes thing, but now I don't have a handy day-planner with daily quotes to nick from), I've decided to start posting small bits of a story every day. Not mine; at least, not yet. No, I've decided to go with some classic literature, here.

Here's the fun part - you guys get to choose the book.

Now, I don't think anyone is particularly interested in reading a paragraph or two of something the size of Anna Karenina every day for six years, so I've chosen smaller books, some short stories, some plays - that sort of thing. Not that I don't love you all, but at some point in the next year I'd like to go on vacation for a day or two.

I'd post a proper poll, but my paid LJ status ran out a long while ago, and it's kind of a luxury item. Instead, here's a quickie old-school poll. I'll leave it up for a week, posting daily updates and reminders to vote, for those (like me) who don't check every day.

1. At The Mountains Of Madness and Other Tales of Terror, H.P. Lovecraft

2. Hamlet, Shakespeare

3. As You Like It, Shakespeare

4. A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess

5. The Light Princess and Other Fantasy Stories, George MacDonald

6. Pygmalion, George Bernard Shaw

7. An Experiment In Criticism, C.S. Lewis

8. Other (please specify in the comments, and if I don't have it, be prepared to send it to me! But if it gets enough votes, I'd be more than happy to use it.)


As for the legalities of this venture, well...I don't know if it's legal or not. Feel free to give me your thoughts on that as well. I don't want to rip anyone off, or infringe on anyone's rights. What I want to do is read some of the books I have on my shelf, books that are hailed as classics, and share them with my friends. My hope is that you'll head over to the library or the bookstore before I've finished posting, and acquire the book yourself, and perhaps a few others you've been meaning to pick up. I'd also like to discuss it with you, so...thoughts?

Eleventy-billion: number of tasks I seem to think must be done rightnowomgthissecond.
Overwhelmed: the state I am in...constantly.

We have been eating healthier lately, Nyte, the Podling and I, and the brain fog brought on by bad food, too much animal protein, and not enough fresh plants is beginning to lift, little by little. I am still unable to hear out of my left ear, both my ears, my throat, and my sinuses still hurt, I'm still tired and cranky and generally feeling like I'm spinning my wheels now that I'm feeling well enough to want to do things, but not well enough to actually do hardly any of them without relapsing. (For those of you keeping track at home, I have two days of antibiotics left, and have now been sick for almost two weeks.)

( Wherein I discuss eating habits, illness, emotional eating and more. )

In the meantime, I'm going to sip my coffee and write a list of the things that are overwhelming me. Specifically, the different tasks I seem to think are looming over me, the things I punish myself for not doing, the things that I seem to think are standing between me and happiness, or completion, or being enough. It can't actually be that big a list. I have to be blowing this out of proportion somehow.
( The List )
Now, some of those are quick fixes, some of those are going to take a looooong time, and some of those are going to be back on the list every day/week/month. I think the key here is to accomplish the ones that only need to be done once. That will shorten the list considerably, I'll feel better about my environment and myself, and I'll feel like progress has been made, which always helps inspire me to tackle more things, even the ones that will need to be re-done tomorrow. I think I'll put asterisks by the ones I should tackle today, and tell myself that tomorrow I'll do the other ones. It's not procrastinating if I'm still doing work, right? Because my Inner Martha is screaming at me for neglecting my child and having a dirty kitchen. (Shush, woman!)

I finished some plain stockinette and ribbed socks in a pretty ocean-themed color of Tofutsies. I'll take pics someday, and show you all. Of course, I immediately cast on for a new pair of stockinette socks in Mega Boot Stretch that I purchased months ago, started, decided I didn't like my gauge, tore out, and shoved in a drawer instead of picking them back up again. However, I might throw in some wandering cables, and see how I like it. It's a 2-ply yarn, with black barber-poled around a slowly color-changing orange/magenta/burgundy/gold. Interesting, to say the least.

Oh, and yesterday when I popped over to The Yarn Shop for more Hiya-Hiya double-pointed needles (I love them so, so, so much that I decided I NEEDED another set of US size 1's and also picked up a set of US size 0's, since the set I got previously turned out to be US size 000's), I picked up some more pretty stitch markers and a skein of Wisdom Yarns' Poems Sock. It's 75/25 superwash wool/nylon, in a slow color change single ply. It's a lower twist than Austermann Step or...well, pretty much any other sock yarn single I've ever seen, so I'll have to be careful with it. And, the sales lady showed me the pair of socks she was making, to warn me that there could possibly be the occasional big slub. She wasn't sure if it was just her skein or not, as it's the company's first go at sock yarn, and they might have gotten a rough batch. However, her skein was brightly multicolored and the color changes not so subtle and quite sudden, looking more like Noro than mine does. Mine is a sort of dark eggplant fading into a pale lavender and all the shades in between, very cool and subdued. I likey.

Have GOT to take pics...but in the meantime, I'll be working on the Baudelaire socks, which seem to have sorted themselves out, and I can work on them now that I have a second set of size 1 Hiyas, since that's what I started them on and I'd like to stay consistent. I also started on the Gumdrops socks from 2008's BMFA sock club, in the Socks That Rock pastel colorway that came with it (whose name I cannot remember, as I can't put my hands on the ball band at the moment), but that is all of eight or nine rows in, so I hesitate to say that it's properly started.

I also ripped out my very first pair of socks, as they were too big and unwearable, balled them up, and started to re-knit them now that I understand what gauge they need to be for my feet, but the yarn is unfortunately ramen-noodle-like and needs to be skeined, washed, thoroughly dried, and re-balled before I can do that. I keep saying I'll knit them as my next pair of plain stockinette (sooooo nice to be able to shove in one's purse when one needs knitting but has to pay attention to other things too), but they'll require a bit of work first.

All this and I haven't even started sewing up Fish Blanket #2. I'm quite sure I'm missing some yellow fish, so the reorganization of the closets and the bedroom should turn up any forgotten stash they might be hiding in, and failing that, I'll actually lay out all the fish and count them.

But first, the Podling bellows. He's up from his nap, so I'd better go get him before he takes matters into his own hands and climbs out of his crib. Again.

I have to get back into the swing of this. I'm not writing anything but the occasional Plurk or Facebook update, and even those are drying up. And since I have to start getting ready for work in an hour, I'll have to make this quick. No navel-gazing today.

Work - made of suck. I go anyway. I'm so very happy that I don't have to work late on Saturdays on a regular basis, I could do a little dance. I won't, but I could. Next time I need more hours (which is honestly all the time), I'll just do a half-day, and/or go earlier so that I don't have to be there when our ticketing system and tools go down. Especially because it doesn't come up until the next morning, and I don't come back in for at least two days, and I have to rely on my supervisor putting them in for me the next day. The rules don't cover what happens in those situations, and my supervisor is going to China, so he doesn't care about anything. (In fact, I think he's already gone. I don't have a new sup yet, so nobody to ask.)

Tuesday I was late (w/in the 5-minute grace period, though) because there was some sort of traffic issue on Trabue. I don't know what was going on, but it took me ten minutes to drive half a mile. Guh. I can't even leave earlier, since I can't leave until Nyte gets home.

Knitting - I'm deep in the throes of start-itis. I've been considering getting a few more pairs of US size 1 and 0 double-pointed needles, just so I can start more socks. Even though that is not the solution, that's what I want to do. Silly me. The Baudelaire sock is still in time-out, because I was happily knitting up the cuff, and when I tried to put it on, I could get the damned thing over my heel, even though I'd increased by four stitches just a repeat or two ago. The lace pattern isn't very stretchy, so I either need to rip back a few inches and knit it as ribbing (which would mess with the look, and I don't want to do) instead, or rip back and increase even more, trying it on between repeats and increased, which is probably what will happen. I want it to be a tall sock, so I'll have to increase eventually to fit my...erm...ample calves, I just don't know what it will do to the pattern. It's an interesting pattern, and very pretty, but the yarn itself (Lorna's Laces Shepherd Socks) isn't very fluffy or springy, so the lace doesn't poof out much. Not to mention it's not a solid...but it's kind of cool. I've considered several times just ripping it out, but it doesn't look bad with the variegated colors, it's just not springy yarn. It's not very elastic either, so I'm sure that doesn't help.

Baby - He's cute, he's enjoying Yo Gabba Gabba a lot, he's dancing and jumping and climbing, and he seems to be teething again. We're going to have to re-arrange the living room again, since he's figured out how to get behind the couch to the No Baby Zone, so it's not safe to leave him downstairs alone for hardly any time. I keep meaning to post pictures, but as usual I'm on the wrong computer for that.

Events - I've already gotten two birthday cards, one from my grandparents with old newspaper clippings in it, and one from mah Buhfly. :) It is very cute. I am indeed a princess.

In other news, Origins is coming up. I don't know if we'll be there all weekend, as I'm not sure if we'll a.) want to be there the whole time, b.) be able to purchase passes for the whole time c.) be doing other things with friends who are visiting, d.) have trouble keeping track of the Podling, who might only last a few hours a day. It'll be a busy weekend in general, but if you're going to be in town and attending, let me know! We should arrange something to make sure we meet up. Nyte and I also like to organize a Buca di Beppo trip on the weekend, usually Saturday, and we like to get a lot of people together. If you haven't been, you should definitely go! It's family-style Italian, each dish serves multiple people, and the more people we get, the more things we can order and try out. Great stuff.

In other other news, I ran out of baking cups, so now there is a chocolate cake cooling in the kitchen. I do believe I'll go have a piece before jumping into the shower. Ta, lovelies!

I started this entry yesterday, but never got past the subject line. I kept thinking about having to go back to work in a few hours and getting too close to panic.

Tuesday was my first day taking live calls, and it was....bad. The customers weren't mean or anything; more your average person who doesn't understand the technology they use every day, and let's be honest, that's not uncommon. I can't pretend I know the ins and outs of everything I own, but I can read the remote control, at least. A large number of the people on the phone could not quite do that, but often that meant that the problem was simple, and asking the right questions went quickly, so long as the person didn't just tell me what they thought I wanted to hear instead of...well...what the answer actually was. So the customers weren't really the problem; it was just...I didn't know what to do. I felt like I couldn't find anything, and I couldn't remember my openings, closings, all the little nitpicky things that make the difference between a decent QA score and an automatic 0. (There are a lot of things that can get you an automatic 0, and many of them we are still not aware of, I am discovering. Hell, there are some things the training bay mentors can't agree on, if that gives you some idea of how often things change back and forth.)

Tuesday, we went directly into a classroom for an hour and the TBM's went over call-floor rules, and went over a few points that we really needed to know. Things that the trainers are required to tell us, but that are actually not true on the floor. Things that the client requires all new employees to be told, but that are not actually put into practice because they are ridiculous, or our site is not set up for it, or the client itself has not actually given us permission to do, or will drive up our call times by 30%. Sometimes things that contradict our trainer, procedure-wise, just because it's faster to troubleshoot things this way.

ANYWAY. My point to all this is, Tuesday we were in a classroom for an hour, and after that they paired us up and one person would take the call, while the other listened in and tried to help. After lunch, we switched. And it was rough. It's performing and doing a puzzle and reciting and social skills, and all that while documenting and reading up about the issue. It's a lot. I understand a lot more why so many people on the phone suck - it's freaking overwhelming sometimes. And being a perfectionist, I am worried about everything. My call times, my client, my problem, my QA (even though those scores won't matter our first week)...it's no wonder I was shaking the whole time and my stomach has been...unpleasant...for days. It still is.

Yesterday I went in, full of apprehension (no classroom time, and taking calls alone right off the bat) and panic and weakness, and despite all that, it was better. I got yelled at by people who couldn't figure out the automated phone menu and kept getting the wrong department, and deafened by people who didn't think their video service was loud enough (I could hear their tv through the phone so clear and loud that I couldn't hear the caller), and people who didn't know what phishing scams were and wanted to know why the client would send her an email telling her to update her email or her services would be canceled. But it wasn't terrible. I had some issues that shouldn't have happened (one of the other call centers is not following procedure, and we are getting slammed because of it), but the TBM's are generally right there to answer our questions. I'm not excited about the idea that next week we will not have anyone to answer our questions when we don't know what to do (except the poor Tier 3's who are overextended and dumped on all the time), and then the QA's and stats will begin to count, and I will be nervous wreck for sure.

But, I should be working my part-time schedule by then, so at least I should be better rested. At the moment I am punchy and irritable and all my joints are a mess (even my hands), and I'm dehydrated (no presence of mind to drink anything at my desk), and things are starting to hurt that worry me. I had a kidney infection about a month ago (another), and that is strongly in my mind when my lower back starts hurting and I'm exhausted and dehydrated. I'm nervous and panicky and all sorts of in a bad frame of mind. I hate it.

On a related note, Crazy Aunt Purl is talking again about the idea of "living life on layaway," something that has always resonated strongly with me. Uncomfortably so. It's the idea that someday, when I weigh X, or have X dollars, or have achieved X, or own X, then I will be happy and really start to live life. Until then though, I will be discontent and not do things I want to do, and it would be foolish to try. The idea that I'm not enough until this magical thing occurs.

It makes me sad that I think this way, but I do. I've always felt that way, as long as I can remember. "When I have money." I have some money right now. How much money? What exactly am I going to do with that money? Won't I then need more? "When I lose weight." Why do I have to lose weight to travel, or go to parties, or get a better job, or write a book? Why does the status of my exterior dictate the status of my interior? "When I have a house." Not only is that a long way off, it's an impractical mile marker. How does having a house make you content? Happy? Why would that mean I could suddenly become a merry Martha, and all my household problems disappear? If I had that capability, it would have manifested already, y'know? If I was going to have a Martha-style residence, then whether or not I owned it would have nothing to do with spiffing up the decor. "When I have a book published." ....then what? If I finish one, I'd better get cracking on the next one. I won't feel complete, I'll be a nervous wreck. What if nobody reads it? What if people read it? What if my family reads it? What if people don't like it? What if people do like it? What if I can't write another as good? What if I can't write another that's better?

Finding contentment in the present is difficult for me. I'm always thinking ahead, dreaming about the future, that perfect future, when I am....well, someone else. Maybe I equate contentment with stagnation. Maybe my numbing myself out is contentment. I can't tell anymore. Who says that being happy can't start with a cupcake? (Perhaps the one cupcake isn't the problem, it's the three that follow.)

Crap. I have to get ready for work. Again. At least it's money.

If I never knit another f#&@*#* fish again, it will be too soon.


...I still have three and a half skeins of Traditions to get through. *headdesk*

(Supplement to my previous entry of explanations and exposition, which I backdated to the date it was written, not the date I managed to get it typed up and posted.)

As per usual, being pressed for time on a regular basis has actually made me more productive. I hate that I want to believe that if everyone would just leave me alone to work (or not) as I please, sans obligations and timelines, then I would flourish like a flower newly-transplanted into sunshine and gloriously moist soil.

Alas, I seem to be a shade-loving variety of herb, not a sunflower. Deadlines, though I do despise them, give me constraints under which I feel the pressure to plan. When I plan, I tend to actually get crap done whether or not I want to do it (zoning out in front of the tv or computer are things I want to do, and things I find myself doing frequently, but never seem to make it on the list. Knitting, however, is something I want to do AND makes it on the list. You win some, you lose some). Much to my chagrin, I don't plan without deadlines, especially the imminent kind. Without planning, I lie around and worry about all the thihngs I know I should be doing, but since I have all the time in the world, I never make it off the couch and away from the entertainment long enough to do anything. When I have to leave for work in two hours, somehow I find the energy to get the damn dishes done.

This is all subject to the whimsical and oh-so-entertaining fluctuations of hormones, life circumstances, sleep levels (which have been lower than usual lately), and again, hormones. I cannot explain the nigh-overpowering lethargy and brain fog that descends upon me for a solid week (often more) every month. Caffeine does little to alleviate most symptoms (and aggravates others), as do vitamins with “energy support for active mind and body,” i.e., caffeine and guarana (however that's spelled) (Edit: I am right and you are wrong, auto-correct! Suck it!).

So yes, it boils down to the same old idea that some days are better than others, and when I have a string of good days all together, life can be fine indeed. Everyone has clean drawers, I'm not tempted to just rinse out a bottle (and its plethora of plastic accoutrements, all requiring their own special brush to clean out nooks and crannies) instead of giving it a proper wash, and we're not licking the inside of last week's pizza boxes for that last greasy bit of cheese spot-welded to the cardboard. It's good times. I smile. I play outside with the baby. I freaking iron shirts (I know).

And then, it all comes crashing down. Maybe one of us gets sick, or the schedule is disrupted by Stuff. Not necessarily Bad Stuff; sometimes Good Stuff too. Visitors, or a night out with friends, or a night in with friends (I'm not going to do laundry when people are over! Come on!). Happy things. Draining things. The next day, I wish I lived in a monastery where they only wear one thing and don't have kids and don't commute to work. Then I remember that those folks tennd to be keen on the concept of early rising and then I am happy to pull the covers over my head and try to put the baby back to sleep with the powers of my mind.

Do not laugh. One day it will work.

Until then, I just have to grab him before he flips himself out of his crib. He's only done that once, and I'm not naiive enough to think it will be the only occurrence. Let me tell you, that's a fun feeling for the rest of the day, having to explain to everyone that the reason my baby's head is mis-colored and misshapen is because I didn't want to get out of bed at 8:30. Awesome.

I suppose the point of all this babble is that I have trained myself to only respond under pressure. No pressure, no progress. My strong points are planning under stress, and boy-howdy, am I under stress right now, so I should be doing some damn fine planning.

Here's the kicker – most of this pressure is self-imposed. Not all of it, mind y ou. I know that being late or missing training isn't allowed, and that's a pressure that is constructive, generally-speaking. Insisting to myself that I always ben ten minutes early at the latest is self-imposed. There is a method to that madness; I have always, always, always suffered from tardiness issues, so this pressure is to prevent me from slipping into old habits and losing my job before I even properly start it. These folks are sticklers (and rightly so), and I can't breeze inn twenty minutes late. More than one of those, and I have to start looking for a job again. Anything is better than that mess.

We have a test Thursday. It won't be that bad, I'm sure, but because I haven't yet mastered the material we've covered so far, I am less than confident. At the same time, I did really well on Tuesday's practice test. The trainer (who is very cool, by the way, and competent as well) keeps telling us that if we paid attention, we'll be fine. We can even re-take the test if we don't pass the first time. Easy-peasy, right?

Naturally, I am torn between not bothering to study at all and spending all of tomorrow memorizing calling features and troubleshooting procedures. Both are extreme. Neither is a good choice. What I ought to do is get a lot of sleep and stretch out my back, which has been killing me for weeks now. Just talkin about it is freaking me out, so let's change the subject.

Knitting! Having to bring relatively mindless knitting to class, and almost 8 hours of very little to do with my hands results in a heck of a lot of fish. I had maybe six or seven balls of Wool of the Andes and a few Cascade 220 partials leftover from other projects (the parental log cabin lap blankets, if I recall correctly), and those are all finished. Perhaps twenty or more fish knitted up, ready to have their ends woven in and trimmed, and to be sewn onto the Ancestral Fish Blanket, as I think I will call it now.

Thing is, those 20-odd fish aren't going to make much of a difference to the size of that blanket. If you recall (I doubt you do), I originally knitted over 200 fish and get a 3.5 feet x 3 feet blanket for my Herculean trouble. 20-odd fish might make a charming blue and green border. What I need is more wool. Lots more wool. More wool of any sort, really, and I can't afford to be choosy (because I can't afford to buy anything at all). So, the blanket and its little satellites will be shoved back into the closet again, until the day comes when I can go on a worsted-weight-wool spending spree.

In the meantime, I've started back on the second fish blanket, the one I started when I was pregnant and intended to make for the Podling. I dug out the yarn and the fishes I had already made, and discovered that either I am losing my mind, or there is a stash of yarn and WIPs somewhere that I have entirely forgotten about.

Last time I worked on this project, I had knitted all of the red, the blue, and started on the yellow. Green and brown remained, and I believe I had 3 skeins of each color. Each skein of Debbie Mumm for Jo-Ann Fabrics & Crafts: Traditions yarn is nearly 150 yards, which is pretty substantial for a worsted/sport weight yarn. I recall marveling at how many fish I could get form each skein, because they seem to just keep coming. (This could also be due to the fact that after making 2 or 3 fish, I begin to hate them with the heat of a thousand venti chai lattes, hate the person who invented the pattern, the person who introduced me to the tessellating fish blanket concept, hate the yarn, the needles, knitting, the wall I'm staring at, all fish that ever were and ever will be, etc., ad nauseum. This is especially interesting, considering I love the finished result and the stacks of cute little fishes arranged by colors and lined up just so. It is a curious phenomenon, to say the least.)

ANYHOW. What I found when I turned my closet upside down and shook it until it got a nosebleed, was that I had two skeins of yellow, one tiny ball connected to one half-finished fish, and one size 6 US (4mm) Knitpicks nickel-plated double-pointed needle, with a bright orange, sock-shaped point protector on one end. This tells me several things:

Somewhere out there is a number of finished yellow fish, as well as one more dpn with point protector.
They are probably somewhere in my house where I do not normally keep yarn or projects.
I must be missing other yarn and projects and utensils as well.

That, or I have lost my mind entirely. Really, any given day it's a good 50-50 chance.

The real reason this disturbs me so (and why I keep harping on it in my mind) is that, despite my pack-rat nature, I actually cannot stand it when I do not know where something is. I spend hours poking through cabinets, drawers, closets, bathtubs (that one doesn't take as long as the others, generally), bookshelves – anywhere the missing items might have been laid out without my knowledge. And then I start looking in places it probably isn't, just to be sure. If I find it, then I am gratified and put the object in a place that is logical for me to look. Whether I actually need it or not, I simply must know where it is. Must. Being unable to find something will haunt me for weeks. I can't sleep well, I spend my time thinking of places I haven't yet looked, and then imagining I saw it in places that I already looked and wondering if I actually did look there, or if I just thought about looking there, and perhaps I should get up right this instant and go check, just in case, so that I don't forget. And then I usually do go look, and of course it isn't there, largely because I've checked there three or four times already.

Seeing as how we moved not long after I stopped work on the project, I fear it ended up somewhere in the land of What Happened To That One Box, Honey? It's probably next to the crib sheets and car seat straps we can't find, and a couple of books that I can't remember if I loaned them out (and if so, to whom?) or packed them up.

I suppose that this weekend will see a massive upheaval of the bedroom, seeing as how all my yarn and its posse of implements are stored in the closets and drawers and shelves therein. Failing that, it'll be time to search through all the random craft boxes and things stored in the attic, the place I never go. It must be there; I can't find it anywhere else.

Man, I hate that.

A lot.

...maybe I should go check my closet again.

Bahahaha! "Maybe don't wear a bra next time."

I finished four projects tonight.

....that sounds awfully impressive, doesn't it? Then I sha'n't tell you that three of those projects were garter-stitch, square dishcloths. Instead, let's focus on that number. FOUR! FOUR PROJECTS! Ah! Ah! Ah! One project! Two projects! Three projects! Four projects! FOUR PROJECTS! Ah! Ah! Ah!

*ahem* One of those projects (the word "projects" looks weird now) was a pair of socks in Trekking XXL * that I started...oh...months ago. Months upon months. Multiple pairs of socks have been knit in between the first sock of that pair and the second. Of course, once the second sock was mostly knit, I realized that I had not only done the toe of the first sock differently, but the heel as well. So, I ripped back the first sock and re-did it to match the second one.

Lately I have been enamored of Judy's Magic Cast-On, as no other yarn or equipment is needed to start the toe, unlike Wendy's Generic Toe-Up Sock Pattern. In retrospect, I think I like the nice blunt toe and rounded edges of Wendy's pattern better, but I don't always have a crochet hook and waste yarn in a contrasting color but the same weight as the sock yarn on hand, nor do I always want to fuss with the toe that much. Usually I just want to freaking GO already.

As for the heel, I had apparently decided to use an afterthought heel, in which you drop the working yarn, knit half a round in a contrasting yarn of the same weight, purl back across those stitches to where you dropped the working yarn, pick it back up and continue on in the round until you're done with the cuff (or toe, if you're going cuff-down). Then you go back, pull out those stitches and pick up the loops they leave behind, and knit those stitches in the round, decreasing regularly and frequently the way you would the crown of a hat. The regular decreases spiral around in a star pattern, and it looks interesting, for sure. I just..I don't like it. It looks funny when the sock lies flat. Which is dumb, I know; shouldn't my criteria be the fit? The design? The way it looks when it's ON my foot, not how it looks in the drawer?

And yet. I just...can't reconcile it. I prefer the short-row heel. Not the flap and gusset, though it's pretty. (It's the picking up of stitches. PAINFUL. I never get the right number in the pattern, never.) A short-row heel is simple, quick, small, and it lies pretty flat. So of course I had no qualms about ripping out that heel and FIXING it.

I still need to weave in the ends and take pictures, but that's what the weekend is for.

* Now that I think about it, it might not be Trekking. It might be Austermann Step. I need to find the ball band. I can see myself getting Austermann Step for myself on purpose, but not so much the Trekking. Trekking is okay, but I prefer plusher, springier, plied yarns like the ones Blue Moon Fiber Arts makes. (Still hankering after that Blue Moonstone colorway, a few skeins, enough for a shawl. Just thought I'd remind y'all.** Ooh, and the Raven clan stuff is gorgeous too. Oh! Ooooooh, when did they get the Spirit series?)

** Seeing as my birthday is coming up in a month and a half and all. Just putting that out there. Oprah says when you do that, the universe listens, and gives you what you want. So. There you go, Universe. I wants.

I totally want to learn to play the hydrodaktulopsychicharmonica..

No, seriously. How awesome would this be?




Surely I could just pick one up at Music-Go-Round, or maybe the corner store. Right? Probably not expensive. You think?



On a relatively unrelated note, I think I will keep this website close at hand at all times, even though I'm sure I won't actually be able to get to the site when at work. Still, in my head? This will be playing all the time. The Drama Button.

Just posted over at improvs.

( Shadowrun character-fleshing-out-fic. )

These days, I stay home quite a bit. Sometimes, snacking on the baby's animal crackers or a few apple slices really don't scratch my itch, and I find myself longing for cookies. Warm, rich, but not too sweet cookies. Chewy cookies, with lots of flavor and mouth feel, comforting and textural and reminiscent of childhood. Oatmeal cookies. Mmm, warm oatmeal cookies.





Here's the thing; I have nothing against raisins. They're great in cinnamon-flavored breads, and trail mix, and...I'm sure there are other things, although I can't think of them at the moment. However, what raisins can do, craisins (dried, slightly sweetened cranberries) can do better, in my humble opinion. I love the tartness, and I wish they came non-sweetened as well. They offset the buttery sweetness of the brown sugar nicely, and add a nice extra chewiness.



This time, instead of using the recipe in my Better Homes & Gardens cookbook, I went over to Smitten Kitchen and took a whack at her recipe for thick, chewy oatmeal raisin cookies. I did tweak it a leetle bit.



Most noticeably, of course, I substituted dried cranberries for the raisins. I also increased the cranberries from 3/4 cup to about 1 cup, just because I like them. Lots of them. (The podling would disagree, it turns out.) I also added a few dashes of ground cloves, extra vanilla (of an unspecified amount), and thus upped the flour enough to cover the extra vanilla.



The secret, she says, is to chill the dough for a bit before you slap it into the oven. I didn't scoop then chill, seeing as I use baking stones and cold baking stones + hot oven = no more baking stones. Not only that, but I don't have a keen scooper of any sort other than your standard ice-cream scoop size, which, though interesting, seems more than a little excessive. I opted to just use a regular spoon, and since the dough was nice and chilled, worked out pretty well.



You'll notice that the cookie blobs get bigger and bigger as I realize I'm about to end up with two trays full plus two cookies left over. It was late, and I didn't feel like baking a tray with only two cookies on it. Silliness, says I, so I just added bits and pieces to the second tray. Also, I had the first tray in the oven before I remembered the part about putting parchment paper down, so I did on the second tray. Of course, I wasn't using a metal baking sheet, so... I did have to leave them in a little longer than the recommended 12 minutes, but I attribute that to the baking stones not being preheated. I love those things.



The result: OM NOM NOM. Chewy and slightly crisp on the outside, and the sugar is cut down a bit so it's not as sweet as a lot of other recipes. It also doesn't make six dozen cookies, which is nice. I don't need to be eating them for the rest of the week instead of real food (because if they're there, I will be).

Would I make these again? Oh, hells yeah.

GUH. Stupid ads.

I'm so cold right now. Funny how that tends to happen after one eats ice cream.

Well, it's been a while since I've said anything about the ol' knitting, so let's do a quick run-down of what I've been working on.

- plain stockinette socks for Karleine, out of Malabrigo sock yarn, the colorway Stonechat (which is a good bit darker in real life) - One nearly finished.

- Pinwheel baby blanket for Maggie's new little girl, Lydia. That out of Bernat Bamboo I got for Christmas, in Lotus (baby pink) and Corn (a nice, buttery yellow), with some leftover Caron Simply Soft in Victorian Rose for a crocheted edging. (I'm beginning to like crochet for edging.) - Finished, but not blockable because it's almost entirely acrylic. Just waiting to be delivered.

- Head kerchief for myself, out of (what I believe is) Cotton-Ease in yellow (Maize?), and cream (Almond?) for the edging and ties. I just sort of made something up and did a crocheted picot edging. The increases are yarn-overs through the center, which is pretty. With my bleached bangs and crown plus the yellow of the scarf, I kind of feel like an Easter egg when I wear it. High time to re-dye my hair purple. - Finished.

- Dryer balls for the shop (though I do intend to give them a try before making a bunch to sell). These out of pure wool, with ugly colors in the center of the ball and pretty colors on the outside. Those will go up on the etsy site as soon as they're done, and I'll link to them when I get them up. - 5 cores felted, two of which are wrapped and ready for another trip through the washer. 1 core unfelted for purposes of making the cores all the same size before they head into the washer.

- Diamonds and Triangles shawl from Victorian Lace Today, out of Kraemer Yarns' Fountain Hill Brushed Mohair in the Freshest (i.e., heathered green) colorway. I'm working on the third repeat (of 32) of the center panel, after which comes the rather thick border, which is knitted onto the center panel as you go. - Long way to go.

The shawl is very geometric, which helps me a lot. I am still working to understand and internalize the different stitches, and being able to picture what ought to go where helps a lot when I come across a mistake. Stitch markers are also super-helpful. I've discovered and fixed many mistakes already, and I've only knitted 25 rows. Having a marker between each row repeat means I can discover mistakes on the following row, at the latest, not after I've invested a gazillion hours and a whole ball of yarn and am showing someone my progress, only to see a glaring error way, way back at the beginning. After two repeats, the shawl is starting to actually look like something, and I'm excited. It's pretty, and fuzzy, and after it's blocked it'll be lovely (if it isn't I shall scream). I just wish I had realized that this yarn is 80% acrylic before buying it. That will affect its ability to block properly, even though the other 20% is mohair.

It's definitely warm, though. I just wish my hands would stop sweating while I work on it.

HOW, in the name of all that is holy and beautiful, did you not tell me that this happened?





Rick Astley rickrolled (LIVE, PEOPLE, LIVE) the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!?!?!

If you need me, I will be over here in the corner, giggling like a crazy thing.